Dear Lady Butler family & friends,
A few months ago, it was exam time in our house. After a beautiful, but demandingly over-active weekend, our whole family was exhausted.
When it came to the last evening before exam preparations, the obvious answers didn’t come out as easily, and suddenly everything was incomprehensible. Out of frustration, dad lost his usual cool.
He simply couldn’t understand why the easy test question, that Isabel usually answers so brightly and quickly was such a daunting task?
She burst into tears, also fully confused, why she just couldn’t seem to get this answer right this time?
Dad realized his kwaai reaction, because of his frustration, only lead to further stress and did not lead to Isabel getting the answer right either.
He paused and uttered a heartfelt apology and explanation that he too let his tired frustration lead him to react, in stead of respond.
The tears and hysterics calmed down again and after a lame dad joke and a tickle, the situation was recovered and what do you know, Isabel suddenly remembered exactly what her A+ answer was supposed to be.
Isn’t it so tough when we close out our day by yelling at our kids? As grownups we too feel overwhelmed and exhausted at the end of our days, so it’s easy and understandable when we too react, but here are a few tips on how we can try to respond in stead of react, when the next tricky and challenging day presents itself:
Step 1: Pause. Just pause. Stop talking and just take a simple minute to close your eyes and breathe.
Step 2: Reflect. Check in with yourself and acknowledge what you’re feeling. It will make all the difference in how / what you do next.
Step 3: Reframe. Put yourself in your child’s position and try to understand the current situation from their perspective.
Step 4: Respond. Once you feel more calm, it will be as if you have a new perspective and from that, you can choose your response.
Sometimes our children are disobedient, but sometimes they are overwhelmed. Either way, we CAN choose how to respond with either discipline or understanding, from a place of grace and calm.
This week ask your child: “What is the difference between a response and a reaction?”
Until next time keep calm, because dinner is sorted with a little help from
